The Wordsmith's Blog

Another Page from the Dead Man (4)

Posted on: October 4, 2010

Dear Diary,

Do you know what is the worst thing for someone like me? There is so much time on my hands, that I don’t know what to do with it! I wish I had so much time when I was alive, however, I’m not sure what I’d have done with all that time even then.

It’s not like I’ve led a very busy life, you know? I’ve had a nice lazy life – not much pressure, nothing to be tense about. Even at work, I was lucky enough to have a few days in a week without much work at all. Oh yea! It sucks at times – particularly if its the third day in succession that you don’t have a lot to do. But then you get paid at the end of the month, and I guess I made peace with that thought!

I wonder sometimes now, if I could have changed all that. Yes, a career might not have defined me – but – and this is a BIG but – I might have done something I actually enjoyed doing! Martin Luther King Jr. said “A man who has not found something he is willing to die for, is not fit to live.” And woe is me, that I am dead and yet I haven’t found something like that. Does it mean I am not fit to be dead either?

Well, then, what would I have done? Pursued a hobby, maybe? A collection, a musical instrument, or simply written a book? The choices were many, inclination – that was scarce. And not only am I talking about doing something aside from my day job, but also something that I would have liked doing for a living. I wonder what stopped me!

Maybe, it was the lack of a conviction of what I really wanted to do. Maybe, it was just the lack of guts and resolve required to give up what I was doing, and plunge headlong into the unknown. Or a combination of both! But hey, I died young and never got the time to think about all that. You see dear diary, this is the greatest irony of all the people – while they are alive they don’t have the time to think about what they want to do, and while dead they have all the time and don’t have the ability to do. The rat race keeps us occupied and we keep ploughing on and on until the end!

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